then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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