she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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