Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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