bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
