yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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