is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize