I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
