Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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