Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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