how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
3 2 1 whiskey
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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