I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
