Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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