I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
