there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
