Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When are your genitals available?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
