i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Are we still banned from the library?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
