dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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