I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
