i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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