i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
