Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
