watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
