so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
