I think my fart just growled at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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