So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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