I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
