I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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