Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
