YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
