Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
