Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
