Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
