Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
