Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
