I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
