You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
