Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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