so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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