you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
worst night to have a conscience
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
