I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
