Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
