FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
