i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
