Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
