I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
