first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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