i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
