My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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