She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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