you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
