My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
not ubering you a puppy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
